By that thought of
the pretty dress I would wear, I knew I should not wear it "in
the name of the Lord Jesus;" for my thought was of honour to
myself, not to Him. By the fear which darted into my head,
that Mr. Thorold might dance with Faustina if I were not
there, I knew I should not go "in the name of the Lord," if I
went; but to gratify my own selfish pride and emulation. By
the confusion which had reigned in my brain these two days, by
the tastelessness of my Bible, by the unaptness for prayer, I
knew, I knew, I could not go in the name of my Lord, for it
would be to unfit myself for his work.
The matter was settled in one way; but the pain of it took
longer to come to an end. It is sorrowful to me to remember
now how hard it was to get over. My vanity I was heartily
ashamed of, and bade that show its head no more; my emulation
of Faustina St. Clair gave me some horror; but the pleasure, —
the real honest pleasure, of the scene and the music and the
excitement and the dancing and the seeing people, — all that,
I did not let go forever without a hard time of sorrow and
some tears.
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