"I did not behave like a Christian last night," I forced
myself to say. "I was impatient."
"Like an impatient Christian then, I suppose," said St. Clair.
I felt myself getting impatient again, with all my sorrow and
humiliation of heart. And yet more humbled at the
consciousness, I hastened to get out of the room. It was a
miserable day, that day of my first school triumphs, and so
were several more that followed. I was very busy; I had no
time for recollection and prayer; I was in the midst of
gratulations and plaudits from my companions and the teachers;
and I missed, Oh how I missed, the praise of God. I felt like
a traitor. In the heat of the fight, I had let my colours come
to the ground. I had dishonoured my Captain. Some would say it
was a little thing; but I felt then and I know now, there are
no little things; I knew I had done harm; how much, it was
utterly beyond my reach to know.
As soon as I could I seized an opportunity to get to Miss
Cardigan. I found her among her flowers, nipping off here a
leaf and there a flower that had passed its time; so busy,
that for a few moments she did not see that I was different
from usual.
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