And I had hoped, blindly, foolishly, that we
might be one in the spirit as well as the one flesh. It has been
bitter, but I have faced it, and understand. But to see my own red
blood get away from me, elude me, rise above me! It stuns. God! I
have heard you read from your Browning--no, no; do not speak--and
watched the play of your face, the uplift and the passion of it, and
all the while the words droning in upon me, meaningless, musical,
maddening. And Mrs. Schoville sitting there, nursing an expression of
idiotic ecstasy, and understanding no more than I. I could have
strangled her.
"Why, I have stolen away, at night, with your Browning, and locked
myself in like a thief in fear. The text was senseless, I have beaten
my head with my fist like a wild man, to try and knock some
comprehension into it. For my life had worked itself out along one set
groove, deep and narrow. I was in the rut. I had done those things
which came to my hand and done them well; but the time was past; I
could not turn my hand anew. I, who am strong and dominant, who have
played large with destiny, who could buy body and soul a thousand
painters and versifiers, was baffled by a few paltry cents' worth of
printed paper!"
He spilled her hair for a moment's silence.
"To come back. I had attempted the impossible, gambled against the
inevitable.
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