Of moral qualities, Heaven forgive me, I fear I
thought less; but I believed, though I had been little proved, that I
was as courageous as the common run of men.
All this looks babyish in the writing, but there was a method in this
self-examination. I believed that I was fated to engage in strange
ventures, and I wanted to equip myself for the future. The pressing
business was that of self-defence, and I turned first to a gentleman's
proper weapon, the sword. Here, alas! I was doomed to a bitter
disappointment. My father had given me a lesson now and then, but never
enough to test me, and when I came into the hands of a Glasgow master
my unfitness was soon manifest. Neither with broadsword nor small sword
could I acquire any skill. My short arm lacked reach and vigour, and
there seemed to be some stiffness in wrist and elbow and shoulder which
compelled me to yield to smaller men. Here was a pretty business, for
though gentleman born I was as loutish with a gentleman's weapon as any
country hind.
This discovery gave me some melancholy weeks, but I plucked up heart
and set to reasoning. If my hand were to guard my head it must find
some other way of it. My thoughts turned to powder and shot, to the
musket and the pistol.
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