I can also spy right through----
* * * * *
It shall be written now:
I have this day heard within me the contention of the Voices.
* * * * *
I thought that they were done with me! That all, all, all, was ended! I
have not heard them for twenty years!
But to-day--distinctly--breaking in with brawling impassioned
suddenness upon my consciousness.... I heard.
This late _far niente_ and vacuous inaction here have been undermining
my spirit; this inert brooding upon the earth; this empty life, and
bursting brain! Immediately after eating at noon to-day, I said to
myself:
'I have been duped by the palace: for I have wasted myself in building,
hoping for peace, and there is no peace. Therefore now I shall fly from
it, to another, sweeter work--not of building, but of destroying--not of
Heaven, but of Hell--not of self-denial, but of reddest orgy.
Constantinople--beware!' I tossed the chair aside, and with a stamp was
on my feet: and as I stood--again, again--I heard: the startlingly
sudden wrangle, the fierce, vulgar outbreak and voluble controversy,
till my consciousness could not hear its ears: and one urged: 'Go! go!'
and the other: 'Not there.
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